I would like to introduce you to my youngest brother Michael. A creative and passionate soul.
He was a beautiful man with a big heart and a ‘missing him’ ache still rises at times when the world reminds me of the richness his presence gave to my life..
Michael is my inspiration for what I call the ‘street level’ aspect of my pilgrimage.
As I travel around in the 8 locations helping spread the dharma I will have opportunities to connect with people from all walks of life.
Before Michael died a few years ago, every fortnight I would visit him in a block of flats that was full of people who tussled with life – addictions, mental illness, prison time. Michael’s struggle with schizophrenia made those visits difficult in many ways.
Walking up the steps to his door, listening to violent arguments behind closed doors, people passing me on the steps and suddenly vomiting blood and others sitting outside talking rapidly with words that made no sense- all regular occurances.
I regret I was a silent witness often in the early days. I didn’t have the strength at the time to do anything other than see my brother, spend time with him and make sure he was okay. After he died my family put on a barbeque for the guys in the flats. Many of them had befriended and helped Michael as he became sicker.
We wanted to thank them. We told them we would provide everything for the lunch. However, when my family arrived, the guys had put together a few dollars to buy paper table clothes for the rotting picnic tables and had put some bowls of nuts out to share. The tenderness of these beautiful acts of generosity in such an physically ugly setting was deeply moving.
I will never forget a speech one of the guys made thanking my family ( my parents, my daughters, their partners and children) for spending time with them. He shared what it was like when people crossed the street rather than walk close by them.
So having my wonderful brother Michael in my life gave me the unexpected gift of regular opportunities to begin learn to look people in the eye and smile even if there was an initial sense of wanting to pull back. Really he was teaching me the third stage of the metta bhavana- the development loving kindness.
I discovered that if I continued to give in to any slight sense of aversion then I would, in all likelihood, miss many worthwhile moments with fellow human beings.
So I will remember this lesson whilst on the pilgrimage.
Yes I will be wise and of course my aim is to stay safe but already there is a smile when imagining those moments meeting wonderful human beings I don’t ‘know ‘ yet.
January 31, 2016 at 1:12 pm
Thank you for such a lovely post. Michael looks very like you, with your gentle and kind face.
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January 31, 2016 at 8:20 pm
Very happy to hear we look a bit alike. Michael felt his aliveness keenly in the world. When he was in psychosis once I took him to a huge Kuan Yin statue at a Buddhist temple to light incense as I just didn’t know what else to do. When I told him she represented compassion for all beings he had tears in his eyes and said ‘ The world needs more of these. There should be one in every neighbourhood. ‘
💕
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January 31, 2016 at 1:39 pm
beautiful, thanks
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January 31, 2016 at 1:58 pm
This was very moving – thank you.
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January 31, 2016 at 7:46 pm
Thanks you for sharing this story with me, it has really moved me. I have been avoiding some uncomfortable things in my life recently relating to people I know that are suffering.This has reminded me of how much more open and compassionate I used to be, I shall now bring renewed awareness to this aspect of myself.
Sending you love and well wishing on your journey.
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January 31, 2016 at 8:16 pm
You have a big heart Sarah. The world deserves to see it 🙂
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January 31, 2016 at 11:19 pm
Thanks Maitripala, I remember the wonderful afternoon spent with your family and the men from the flats and the quiet dignity and respect they showed especially to you Mum and Dad. It was an enriching experience for me.
Prasadajata x
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January 31, 2016 at 11:55 pm
Hi Maitripala,
So beautiful, your sharing brought both a happy and sad tear at the same time. Thank you. Whilst not easy, I know it is a privilege to experience those parts of life. Both inside and outside of AA in controlled and not controlled situations, some scary, it opened my eyes and heart, and was the best thing to happen to me to meet people that taught me so much.
Travel well, I really enjoy your blog and sprinkle you with
Much Metta, Lyn
On 31 January 2016 at 23:49, Buddhas in my pocket wrote:
> Maitripala posted: ” I would like to introduce you to my youngest brother > Michael. A creative and passionate soul. He was a beautiful man with a big > heart and a ‘missing him’ ache still rises at times when the world reminds > me of the richness his presence gave to my life.. M” >
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February 1, 2016 at 6:53 am
My heartfelt thanks for your sharing your brother’s life and your love for him with me. Much love Viryaja xxx
On Sun, Jan 31, 2016 at 10:49 PM, Buddhas in my pocket wrote:
> Maitripala posted: ” I would like to introduce you to my youngest brother > Michael. A creative and passionate soul. He was a beautiful man with a big > heart and a ‘missing him’ ache still rises at times when the world reminds > me of the richness his presence gave to my life.. M” >
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February 1, 2016 at 10:30 am
Such a truly moving, beautiful story Maitripala. Although these days were amongst your hardest, I’m sure Michael would be so proud to be watching over you and knowing he and his world made such an impact on you, your life thus far and the journey ahead. A very proud little brother her would be xxx
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February 12, 2016 at 1:40 am
Beautiful Mum. Uncle Michael would be so proud of you and all that you are doing with your gifts of compassion, understanding, kindness and time for each and every person that comes into your life. I am sure you will do a fantastic job at all of your locations. xo
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March 12, 2016 at 8:58 am
Dear Maitripala
This is the first blog i have read on your site and i am touched by your story. I started to think about my brother, who is alive and well. We dont see each other as often as i would like, and we too look like each other, like you and your brother. I want to be close to him again after reading your story, and will contact him today 🙂
I am also inspired to look people in the eyes, be open to possibilities, and try and recognise any initial fear and not let it be the dominant force.
I look forward to reading more
Go well, be safe, and continue to carry metta in your beautiful heart
Love Claire x
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March 12, 2016 at 9:41 am
Thanks Claire. I wish you well with your brother. It would be a lovely legacy of my brother if writing about him stimulated connections between loved ones. Fond memories of our time at Tiratanaloka.
Maitripala xx
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