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Buddhas in my pocket

An Australian Buddhist Pilgrimage

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Melbourne

Red- the colour of blood

The sunshine carried delicious warmth to all the inhabitants of Federation Square on this delightful Autumn day. I had chosen to sit near two guys who I immediately imagined to  be friends. As I walked up to them from behind I thought they might be mates waiting to go to an event in the city.

It wasn’t until I was actually seated that I noticed one guy was not able to keep his eyes open and was possibly drug affected.  I stayed anyway and started to do the metta bhavana for both of them. The other guy was rocking slightly back and forth but was wide eyed and alert. After some time, when he glanced momentarily at me, I just smiled and said ‘hello.’

I could tell he was surprised to be spoken to so openly so we just sat on in silence a little more. Then, almost on cue, a small bird landed and we looked down simultaneously.

He began to converse with the bird apologising for not having food to offer. Slowly, very gently this man and I began to send sentences to each other. Mine were mainly open questions and his were a mixture of answers peppered with long rambles outlining his philosophy of life and reality.

He spoke so gently and so softly I had to shuffle up closer to hear him properly. We swapped names and I slowly let go of the need to understand everything he was saying.

Memories of my brother Michael rose in my mind/heart, in and out of the conversation. The smell of stale rollie cigarettes was so familiar to me from time spent in Michael’s flat over the years. Although its over 5 years since my brother’s death this communication brought him keenly into my consciousness.  Renewed gratitude to Michael arose for having made me learn ( sometimes kicking and screaming ) to remain open in situations like this.

Just being present with each offering from this man today, whether it was something I understood or not, was all  I had to do. My brother had unintentially taught me how to stay  in the face of confusion, madness and fear. And my time with him had consistently shown me that tenderness and care often will accompany you on these romps through others’ reality.

Anyway as a Buddhist, I had a growing interest in noticing how we together, construct our versions of reality and get lost in our own way, time and time again.

I opened my bag of buddhas and watched as my new acquaintance roamed across the buddhas on offer carefully examining them and telling me what he sensed about each one.

He said it was the bright crimson velvet lining the box of a certain little buddha that attracted him the most.  He told me that as red is the colour of blood it means connection.

His reasoning had as much to do with Reality as anything else I would talk about or do that day so I felt happy as I watched him very carefully hold this tiny Buddha.

We talked about how it represented the vast potential to be found in all living beings.

He said, “I hope it doesn’t get stolen , too.’

It was then that I learnt that his ‘mate’ sleeping sitting bolt upright right next to us was someone he met whilst sleeping in an alcove last night. These companions come and go and sitting together at Federation Square was better than sitting alone.

He told me how everything he ever had of value had been taken from him over the years.

So after giving him some money for some coffee, food or a rollie I headed home hoping this buddha would keep him company for a while.

 

Buddha a gift from Lynne B –  U.K.

 

 

A grey, rainy day in Melbourne

Recently I was given a little Buddha by someone who currently has some tough demons to fight off most days.
It is very moving and tender be the recipient of someone’s generosity when it takes place in the fabric of life circumstances which necessitate a focus around basic survival.
The potential for generosity and suffering to sit so closely together is a poignant aspect of the human condition that I witness often and find immensely beautiful.
She had heard about the Buddhas in my Pocket pilgrimage from others and before meeting me had specifically gone out looking for a Buddha to give me.  I accepted it gratefully and was curious as to whose hand it might end up in next. These little Buddhas seem to often magically find their own new home – my only job is to carry them about.
When we spoke again several days later I knew it was the perfect moment to ask her to choose something for herself from my bag of Buddhas.  I hadn’t initiated this sort of exchange before but it felt intuitively right.
Her eyes fell immediately on a small lotus charm. She had previously learned about the significance of lotus flowers whose beauty unfold with the help of nutrients from the mud. Clearly it was a perfect symbol for her life right now.  Wading through mud takes effort and can be so tiring!  It’s not always easy to look up and see the beauty emerging.

Anyone who met her could she how hard she was striving to understand and transcend the heavier conditions of her life and I’m sure they could also glimpse the flower that is her true nature.

Lotus charm a gift from Rachel, Melbourne.
IMG_4054

It was a week later when I went on my next pilgrimage walk to the city.
It was raining and Federation Square was deserted -nowhere dry to sit.

I was feeling sad about my parents’ recent situation of having to be apart after 62 years living together.
I wondered if I could muster enough heart energy to connect with anyone.
I walked for a while noticing how the rain had driven the homeless guys into alcoves. The fact that they had little communities was now more obvious than when they were begging alone.
I had chats with some of the guys but the sadness wrapped around my heart was a barrier to really connecting and being fully present.  It felt like a manufactured effort rather than the flow of just being with a fellow human being.
I realised I might go home without handing out a Buddha that day.
Before heading home I went into a store to buy my father some new slippers to take to him in the aged care facility that was his new home.
On the way out of the store I stopped to buy ‘The Big Issue ‘ from a guy standing by the door. His eyes were sad and hooded.
A grey, rainy day in Melbourne- he was just needing to sell his magazine so he could make enough to have shelter and  I was still having to make an effort to carry my sad heart around.  This didn’t feel like great conditions for connecting.
But as I opened up my purse to pay for the magazine, keeping the coins company was the little Buddha, given by my lotus charm friend from a week ago. I hadn’t put it in my Buddha bag with the others yet.
In that moment I discovered the great gift she gave me along with the little Buddha – a reminder that whatever I was feeling about my own situation it was always possible to move forward with generosity.
I felt my heart unfold in my chest, and smiling, I offered him her little Buddha.

He lifted his heavy eyelids and for the first time we really looked at each.
I told him a little about the donor of this Buddha and how it represented each individual’s vast potential.
He smiled and lifted up his Big Issue identity badge saying ‘ I’ve been beautiful once.’
On his badge was a beautiful woman with her head thrown back in joy and delight.
We stood in an alcove together and I heard her story about having arrived in Melbourne to continue transitioning to be the woman she always knew she was. She had once been a performer and lived a lovely life. But now wading through the mud of particular conditions the effort and money needed to keep presenting to the world as a woman fell to the bottom of the survival list.
We talked for ages and I enjoyed listening to her lively and articulate views on life.
She had clear observations and ideas about how charities could be doing better with helping the homeless. In essence, she wanted others to know that she could still contribute effectively to conversations around her own care even though she obviously needed support from others.  Our connection at that moment was a shared wish for every human being to be treated with respect and to have their potential acknowledged no matter how deeply they were in the mud.
So I left her with the little Buddha, given to me by the person who now has the lotus ,which was given generously by another  person…… and so it goes.
On a grey, rainy day in Melbourne an Indra’s Web of care and connection lifted the sadness momentarily and made me smile and feel fully alive again.
It was time to go and give my dear dad his new slippers.

IMG_4056

Buddha a gift from a new lotus friend 🙂

From angel to Bodhisattva

A few days ago I momentarily looked at my bag of 10 buddhas as I grabbed my car keys to head off to the hospital to see Dad. I realised there was no way to complete my planned pilgrimage walk into the city that day and also probably no time to have the meaningful conversations that often led to offering up a Buddha.

The ‘perfect’ care home option for Dad had fallen through and we needed to keep looking.Anyone who has gone through this process will know that there is not much time for anything else. I  grabbed the Buddha bag anyway and headed off.

Hospitals need patients to move out of beds as soon as possible so the time limit to visit care homes and choose a place for Dad was punishing.

The day before, I had sat with my head in my hands at a coffee break with my sister and keenly felt my limitations. Abandoning my friends at the Buddhist Centre to handle 100 visiting school children on their own and not being around to support the team getting the upcoming retreat ready compounded a sense of not being big enough to hold it all.

And I know from previous experience that not having time to acknowledge deep sadness can make everything else seem like walking through mud.

How fortunate then that the hospital social worker assigned to us was an angel.

It truly felt that way to have someone willing to spend time helping navigate the demanding and often indecipherable forms and other paperwork that attaches itself to you at each place visited.

I really appreciated her irreverent sense of humour, piercing honesty and the refreshing mix of practicality and huge heart. She just plainly said the words she could obviously sense were sitting stunned in my own heart.  All I had to do was nod in agreement.

At least I had the energy for that.

She knew I had only days to get important paperwork in for another ‘perfect place’ as I was about to lead a retreat and would not be available for a week.

Maybe because of my kesa around my neck or perhaps the mention of the retreat but at our last visit she began to tell me that her husband’s memorial ceremony had been held at the large stupa at a Buddhist monastery an hour out of Melbourne- his plaque was there too under a beautiful crepe myrtle tree.  This woman’s connections with Buddhist places of practice and her generosity in supporting dharma work and children in Nepal unfolded as I sat on my dad’s hospital bed. What an unexpected and magical connection!

The effort and tiredness momentarily disappeared as I opened my bag of 10 Buddhas and asked her to choose one. Her eyes immediately fell on a beautiful, standing Kuan Yin, the Bodhisattva of Compassion.

It had been a gift from a Karunadhi, a friend at a retreat centre where I had lived in Wales.  IMG_4040A place where I had felt my heart had been at its biggest and all things were possible.

So with this delightful memory now very much alive I laughed as Dad interrupted us to tell me to “stop gas bagging” and go and find him a bed!

PS  It was also very humbling to find a donation for my pilgrimage in my account from this wonderful person later that night.

 

 

Known strangers

I was ordained into the Triratna Buddhist Order 17 years ago. We are a community of just over 2000 Order members spread throughout the world.  When one of those Order Members from the UK contacted me saying he was in Melbourne and would love to meet up in Federation Square during one of my pilgrimage walks I agreed very happily.  He decided to wear his kesa in an offer of solidarity and also so I would be able to easily pick him out in the crowds that gather there.

Technically we would be considered strangers however we spent a number of hours sitting by the Yarra river enjoying discussions around a wide range of topics. We had both practiced our early Order lives within the context of bringing up families and working in the world. It is marvellous really to be able to connect with someone about whom you know no facts but because of shared commitment, in this case to our Buddhist practice and values,  meaningful connection comes easily. We have in common the taking of vows to keep on developing kindness, generosity, truthful, helpful and harmonious speech, tranquility, compassion and wisdom.

As we finished our coffee I opened my bag of Buddhas and he chose one to take and hand out when the time felt right.  Magically the one he chose had been donated by someone very dear to his Preceptor, the person who witnessed his vows.

So thank you Mahasiddhi for coming to meet me in that space. (and sending for the photos to share). I look forward to hearing where your little buddha makes its new home.

Enjoy the joy

 

Have you ever had an experience where life drops into your lap a perfect situation, solution or moment, but you resist embracing it fully because you don’t quite trust letting go into joy completely?

Experiencing joy can  be hindered sometimes by a need to keep something in reserve, to be on the watch for the next bout out of unsatisfactoriness that you believe could be just around the corner.

That’s what nearly happened to me yesterday.

A family meeting with doctors at the hospital to discuss Dad’s situation and care needs could have been the start of a long journey of visiting places to look for available beds, with the usual ongoing discussions, potential resistances and differences of opinion.

Instead my dear sister had already readily located a place at a small 24 bed care home two streets away from the family home. And there was one bed available right now.

A potentially perfect place for Dad to acclimatise to living with blindness. A potentially perfect place for Mum to traverse the few hundred metres to and spend time with him.

On finding out an old mate of Dad’s already lives there, we could picture them engaged in teasing discussions about football. A potentially perfect place.

So much has changed for Dad with his loss of sight but with this care option much could stay the same. Mum and Dad could enjoy the ease of contact and time with each other and Dad could have familiar doctors in the much loved environment of his local town.

It can’t get much better than that when old age starts bashing you around.

I know it’s not wise to grasp and cling on to any ball of joy when it lands in one’s lap.

We can’t make it stay or keep it forever.

But it also doesn’t make sense either to resist opening up to fully experiencing delight whenever it pays its fleeting visits. Even when its a close neighbour to pain and loss.

So driving back from the hospital and noticing the tentative bubbling up of joy I decided to put on some music and sing and see just how far those grace notes could go.

In the hand of my father

Instead of walking into the city square yesterday I drove to a hospital to sit with my dear Dad. I had taken my Buddhas in my Pocket knowing that hospitals are places where suffering walks the corridors, hovers in the corners of the lifts, accompanies visitors to the consulting rooms.

Dad sat resting in his bedside chair, eyes closed.

Eyes that 3 weeks ago, in an instant, gave up any effort to see.

He can no longer read his novels or peruse the football news at the back of the paper.

Not much surpasses Dad’s love of reading-perhaps just his love of Mum, his family and his footy team.

“How are they treating you, Dad?”

“Fabulous love, I’d give the nurses 12 out of 10. They are amazing.”

This is the legacy my father leaves wherever he goes – his unending ability to see the good in people, in situations. I have always found it a joy to see how his delight of others and natural ability to be in the moment infuses any situation he is in. Even this one. The nurses already delight in  him and take great care of him.

We talk about future plans to get him access to talking books and discuss listening to the football instead of watching it.

I ask him how he feels about losing his sight.

He raises his eyebrows and half grins.

“Shit happens love. I’m still breathing. ”

And we laugh an enveloping laugh together. This momentarily eases the heart ache in my chest which is mostly apparent when I am still enough and alone.

I veer between engaging in sensible, practical exploring of care options and just wanting to scoop him up, cancel my life plans and look after him and Mum. I know this is a journey I show with millions of other people. They have already been there or have it yet to come.The outcome will reveal itself over time.

The unconditional love my parents have given our family is a most precious gift. I want to return it in any way I can.

Offering up my bag of Buddhas, Dad chooses one to keep him company. His hands fall on the the largest of the ten, as he can just make out its form.

The small hand raised on the Buddha he chooses represents fearlessness.

This is a quality we will all need over the next few days as we discuss the possibility of Dad  going into a care home at least for a while to learn how to manage his blindness. This would mean their first significant time apart in 60 years.

Every time I visit him or ring the hospital, his first questions are about how Mum is coping. They met at Primary school and married at 18. He has spent his life making sure she is okay.  I reassure him we are looking after her and he relaxes noticeably.

So I left Dad that day, with Amogasiddhi the Buddha of fearlessness sitting quietly by his bedside knowing in many ways I would need to develop that quality far more than my father.

 

Buddha a gift from Verity UK.IMG_3947

Thanks go to the bird…

Looking at the two men sitting on the raised benches at Federation square I wondered if the gap between them might just be a bit close to accept me without breeching the ‘personal space’ rule.

But I sat anyway.  The closeness resulted in us all facing awkwardly ahead. I wondered if I had done the right thing but decided to stay and drop into a silent third stage metta practice. The metta seemed to envelope the man on the right of me in particular.

I find it a fascinating place to sit for a while, this place of not knowing anything about someone yet sensing into their ‘being.’

Why was he sitting here in the midst of Melbourne city’s busy hub?

No back pack, no food, no drink. Yet he confidently took his place in his space and I somehow knew he was not waiting to meet anyone and was reasonably happy with his own company.

I also realised I  was very unsure if he would be happy, unhappy, angry or delighted if I tried to talk to him. I watched the physical response to this uncertainty dwell quietly in my chest.

So I waited patiently and curiously with the discomfort and wondered what would shift it.

Suddenly a delicate, tiny bird landed on the ground between us and looked up as if hopeful for a crumb.

Our heads fell forward simultaneously to gaze at this little package of birdy cuteness.

I sensed a smile coming from him that probably matched mine so I took the plunge into  that silence space that hangs between strangers.

“I think she wants your lunch.”

He laughed out loud, patting his protruding stomach,

” She won’t be getting anything from me. Its obvious to anyone its already gone ”

We fell into easy chatter.

He shared his story, encouraged by the occasional question from me.

He was a grandfather from Adelaide who had come over to watch his team play football the night before. The bus would take him home in four hours and he was biding the time ‘people watching’.

When talking about how he struggled as a young boy at school, he rejoiced in his own ability to find a path of meaning in life . He achieved success in business once out of school but soon saw that sometimes the simpler jobs, where he had time to enjoy his relationships with colleagues, gave him more pleasure than taking on promotions and making more money.

I saw in him, reflections of the many boys I taught over the years, whose lights of potential were always thankfully stronger than the labels that often followed them from class to class.

He wove into his stories the threads of his ability to smile in the face of struggles. He spoke movingly of his wishes for his teenage granddaughter in particular to find her way to achieve what she was capable of in life.

I knew it was the right time to open up my bag of ten buddhas, tell him about how each small buddha represented each human beings’ vast potential and offer him one to keep.

He immediately  chose a brass one that he thought his granddaughter would love.  Introducing it into its new home of his pocket, he wished me well on my adventure.

As we shook hands warmly, the space between us didn’t seem too close at all.

Buddha donated by Prasadajata  Emerald.Australia.IMG_3930

 

 

 

The Buddhist,the Catholic, blood and faith.

We both arrived in the waiting room around the same time for a test that required us to sit for two hours as they intermittently took our blood. After half an hour sitting reading in silence she asked me, “Do you mind me asking what that is around your neck? I am curious.”

I explained the significance of the kesa and then I asked her what she thought it might be when she first saw it.

“Something religious ….because I am a Catholic and the embroidery reminded me of the embroidered candles children have on a sash for one of our rituals.”

We fell into easy conversation and asked questions about each other’s faith. There was curiosity and connection. It was a lovely way to pass the time.

She explained that she attends a local church but feels saddened that most of her local  congregation are older generation- the youth are just not attracted to whats on offer.

It was poignant when she talked about a visit she had made to the Vatican. She was distressed and deeply dissolusioned  by the wealth displayed in the Vatican museums. Her sense of a powerful Vatican hierarchy that was out of touch with the important aspects of Christianity was strong. But her face lit up when she talked about her work as a teacher of with teenage boys at a Christian school and also the qualities of simplicity, humility and kindness she felt were exemplified in Jesus’ life.

So this is where we ‘met’ at a place of understanding about the value of care and kindness in the world. I told her about my pilgrimage and the street level practice of connecting with human beings by being present and kind. We also discussed the qualities of the Buddha and how I loved that something so small like my little buddhas could represent the vast potential in every human being.

I hadn’t taken my bag of 10 buddhas with me that morning  but I did have one buddha in my pocket and a small lotus charm that had been donated from someone in the sangha. I told her about the symbolism of the lotus. Holding the Buddha and the lotus in my palm I asked her if she would like to choose one to keep. I was convinced she would take the lotus however she immediately chose the Buddha and seemed delighted to have it.

As we parted I gave her a schedule of Melbourne Buddhist Centre classes as she had shared her wish to learn to meditate. Perhaps we will meet again.

Buddha donated by Leicestershire study group UK.IMG_3887

 

 

“You have the kindest eyes.”

 

L is now looking after a Buddha given by Leicestershire study group image

Julie’s story :

It’s a beautiful autumn Saturday. I’m walking beside Maitripala bringing metta to mind. I feel the lightness of that as we pass a steady flow of faces and I enjoy just noticing and imagining how people are experiencing their day.

Along the length of Royal Parade and then down Elizabeth Street I fleetingly notice a pair of hands weaving bracelets as we pass. I don’t see who. I only see dirty hands and the perfectly clean finished wrist bands made of coloured thread displayed on the pavement. We pass on.

We make it to Federation square and I enjoy a drink with Maitripala,  Dantachitta and Itir before we go our separate ways. In my pocket is a Buddha but I don’t imagine I’ll find the person I can pass that onto let alone the courage to approach someone.

I find my feet travelling the way we came and I notice my mind returning to those hands. I do know where I’m going.

I listen to strong classical music as I make my way down Bourke Street, then around the corner into Elizabeth Street, gazing ahead and looking for that spot.

I see the bracelets on the ground and the rumpled blanket with no one there. A twinge of disappointment arises but before it takes hold this form moves quickly in front of me and quickly takes a seat. I see a bracelet. I buy it. It’s my way in to make contact.

I ask to sit down and he says ‘sure.’

L talks with bright intelligence. He says his plaiting helps him make a little money and that he gets his embroidery thread from Lincraft.

He says it’s safer on the street than in the Salvation Army Hostel, how the only showers he and others living on the streets can use are being renovated for the next six weeks and how he’s gotten used to being dirty. He says, “I’ve been homeless less than a year. It’s Ok now but I’m hoping I can get another blanket before winter”

We talk and it’s easy. I learn a lot about L in a very short space of time. I learnt that he was in the army, drove trucks in Afghanistan, didn’t see active service but saw the horror of how war can be. I learnt that he appreciates learning and loves philosophy. “It’s all cause and effect” he said. “It’s hard out here. You see the very worst in people but you see the very best too. People have been really good”.

I asked him if I could give him something. Again he answers ‘sure.’  I pulled the Buddha out of my pocket and passed it to him. “Wow, thanks” he said with a smile, as he gazed at the figure, turning it in his hands and admiring its detail.

It felt so easy to give it to him. As if his hands were made for the receiving of it and after photographing the Buddha in his hands it felt good to see him deposit it safely in the pocket of his jacket. We talked more philosophy and he had a natural Buddhist take on things. He’s a realist but he’s also an optimist.

There is something so simple that he said which will always stay with me, “The most important things are love, happiness and intelligence. That’s what I think”.

My last words to him were “You have the kindest eyes. See you again.

I have thought of him since and have a tin box of embroidery thread sitting in a drawer that I think he could make good use of.

 

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Buddhas in my pocket

An Australian Buddhist Pilgrimage